today was not a shitty day, but i find myself feeling all boo-hoo sorry for myself.
i found out just a few days ago that the ex before this recent [ex] was going to be married.
yesterday he married the girl he dated right after me.
i found out that an olllllllld friend is a “highly successful” lingerie and fashion/print model. She has enhanced lips, fake tits, and a banging-but borderline anorexic- body.
i’ve been thinking about how much i anticipate going to vegas to see [him] - going to the gym, taking my lunch to work, etc. - and when i get back i just eat fucking everything for a few weeks.
……
none of these thing have much to do with each other. but combined, i’m just feeling kinda down.
i am still obviously sad about not being with [B] anymore. hearing about other ex’s marriage just reminded me that i had another relationship that didn’t work out.
i am obviously not at a place where i feel super stoked about my body otherwise i wouldn’t give a shit about what this other girl looks like.
less obvious- i figured out why i eat so much after seeing [him]. it’s like i work so hard to look smokin’ hot before i go becausing i’m hoping hoping hoping that we’ll get back together. and then that doesn’t happen. and it’s not gonna happen. and i come home feeling defeated. so i eat….for comfort and also because i’m trying to avoid attracting anyone because i just want him.
it’s really a strange correlation but it makes sense to me. insulating myself from getting close to anyone.
/end emo rant
